


Fantasies and Memories

by gingayellow



Category: Kamen Rider Kuuga
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 14:08:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6523090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingayellow/pseuds/gingayellow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is what keep Godai going [Godai/Ichijou, cw for depression/past trauma, post-series, spoilers apply]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fantasies and Memories

Title: Fantasies and Memories  
Fandom: Kamen Rider Kuuga  
Characters/Pairing: Godai Yuusuke/Ichijou Kaoru  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: Not mine, anything mentioned here by name isn't mine  
Warnings: Depression, past trauma, allusions to violence  
Notes: Post-series, spoilers apply.

 

Godai had experienced too many nightmares in his life to wake up screaming anymore, but the images still made him bolt upright, sweaty and gasping for air.

 _It’s just a dream,_ he reminded himself again, fingers digging into the hotel’s bed sheets. _You’ve already forgotten most of it._ All he could summon up now were jumbled images and sensations. Being hurt, hurting others, wanting to hurt others, **needing** to hurt others, more than anything, and…

And he wasn’t going to go back to bed anytime soon.

Godai glanced at the phone, resting next to the groceries on the hotel desk. He instinctively started to move so he could call Ichijou… except Ichijou was in Japan, and if Godai remembered his time zones, Ichijou was at work. He was busy protecting people; he didn’t need Godai telling him about yet another scary dream.

He huffed, wrapping the blankets around him. He could leave the room and go for a walk, but after feeling that **need** again, even in just a dream, he didn’t trust himself around people right now.

All he could really do was wait roughly five to six hours for when Ichijou was off duty, and then summon up the courage to call him. Maybe. Hopefully, Godai would be able to calm himself down instead. Even Ichijou was probably getting tired of listening to Godai cry at this point. 

Just a few moments earlier, Godai had not wanted to go back to sleep. But now, it was the easiest way to pass the hours. Then he would either call Ichijou, or be stable enough so that he wouldn’t need to bother Ichijou yet again.

So he did what he usually did when he need to sleep. He rested on his side, and pretended that Ichijou was holding him.

It wasn’t that hard—Ichijou had held him, more than once, in reality. All he had to do was remember how he did it.

Ichijou’s chin on his shoulder, as he pressed himself into Godai’s back. One hand resting over Godai’s heart—once, Godai had joked _What, are you worried it’ll stop beating_ , because he always did that, but after the look on Ichijou’s face and remembering what they’d gone through, he realized that yes, it was extremely important for Ichijou to know that Godai’s heart was beating.

Another time, near the end, Godai had whispered (so softly he thought Ichijou couldn’t hear) _Can you really be with me when you know what I really am._ His voice was low and he wasn’t looking, making it a strange almost confession. He had not meant for Ichijou to hear it, but he... he really needed to say it.

But then he felt the hand over his heart, steady as ever. **_Yes, Godai. I can._**

Speaking of heartbeats, Godai’s was finally beginning to calm down. Know that once he had been loved, even if he was Kuuga, was enough to make the nightmare just that.

It was just fantasies and memories, but they were also the fantasies and memories that kept him going until sunrise.


End file.
